The Sovereign Lord is My Strength

The Sovereign Lord is my strength ~ Habakkuk 3:19

I read a devotional yesterday that said having children transforms you into someone you never would have become without them. Several years ago, when people would ask me why I didn't have kids, I would tell them because I was selfish and if I had kids I would have to change.  And today, I realize how true that statement really is.  But the blessing of Savannah is not about the sacrifices that Brad and I are making.  The blessing is in the character-building and strength-training we are receiving, as well as the joy of having her in our lives.

No one could have prepared us for how the first three months have gone.  In fact, had they told us, we might not have begun this journey.  But here we are.  Our little Savannah is 3 months old.  She's healthy and happy and we are better--our marriage is better--today than even on the day she was born.  And why, because the Lord has us on this journey.  On day 1 of any exercise program, the task of getting into shape or losing weight seems daunting.  But day 93 doesn't look near as scary as day 1.  That's where we are: day 93.  Our little girl is 93 days old or 13 weeks or 3 months.  Her life has just begun and there are many more challenges to come, but because the Lord is our strength, we will get through the next 100 years, just like we've gotten through the past 93 days: relying on the Lord as our strength.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. ~ Habakkuk 3:19

in2meC

The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. ~ Genesis 2:25

We all long for intimacy, but are often afraid of in2meC.  We are afraid to stand face to face and “naked”—totally open in every area—before the One who created us.  And why?  Because the world taught us to be afraid and ashamed.  He calls out to us to share with Him our secrets, our desires, our needs…but we don’t.  We look at Him and think, “I can’t.  I’ve messed up. I’m not worthy.  He would never really want to give me the desires of my heart.”  I remember several years ago a friend said to me, “God wants to know your desires.  Tell Him.”  I said that I couldn’t. I was afraid. What if He didn’t want to give me my desires…what would I do then?  I’d be devastated.  Lovingly, my friend said, “He placed those desires inside your heart.  Now He wants to share them with you and make your dreams come true.  But you need to share them with Him so He can reveal them to you.”  I hesitated.  And then began to cry and said aloud the desires of my heart.  My friend looked at me and smiled and said that I’d moved one step closer toward an intimate relationship with my Father and that He longs to share this kind of open relationship with me.

In what areas of your life are you “fully clothed” before your heavenly Father?  He wants you to shed your fears and the lies that you are not worthy.  He loves you and longs to share life with you.  He longs for a relationship that is in2meC and is not ashamed.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. ~ Isaiah 61:1-3

Focus on His Eyes

“Why have we fasted,” they say, “and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?” ~ Isaiah 58:3

A relationship is based upon “knowing” a person; knowing their personality, likes, dislikes, what they stand for, and what they don’t.  It’s considered to be “using” someone when you only hang around them because of what they are doing for you.  As a society, we frown upon that and are disgusted when we see it happening.

I’m saddened to say that when I read this scripture, I realized that’s where my motives were with God…I had shifted my gaze from His loving eyes to His hand, just waiting for it to open in my direction.  Now I know that He is a merciful and loving Father and has forgiven me, but I’m sad about the intimacy I missed out on.  I was more concerned about what He could do for me than what He wanted to do in me.

Father, you deserve my true worship.  Thank you for opening my eyes to my motives and actions.  I pray that I would keep my eyes stayed on you, trusting you to know exactly what I need, when I need it.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. ~ Isaiah 58:11

You Will Find Me

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ~ Jeremiah 29:13

Every evening, during Savannah’s bedtime feeding, Brad and I pray that God will give us the tools we need and teach us how to be good parents to our daughter. 

In the last two weeks, our daughter’s behavior has changed.  Almost overnight she decided that she didn’t want to take her naps and she wanted to eat a bit more often than what was normal for her.  She was fussy more often than she’d been in recent weeks.  After four days straight of this new behavior, we reached out for help—both with medical professionals and with our friends. 

After another several days without improvement, we decided it was time to reach out again to medical professionals.  I don’t know what made that day different, but I remember I was feeding Savannah before getting ready for work and I just prayed—almost in tears—“God, teach me to be a good mommy.  Help me to know how to help my daughter.”  I got to work and made some phone calls and set up an appointment for Brad to take Savannah in to be seen and hopefully get to the bottom of this, or at least get steered in the right direction.  Before the appointment time, I remember having the Holy Spirit whisper to my heart, “I will be found by those who seek me with their whole heart.”

Brad called me after the appointment to let me know the good news: Our daughter is going through normal changes.  She’s healthy.  We are good parents.  We are all going to be OK.  I needed to hear that.  I needed to hear that I hadn’t done something to “mess up” my child, and that she’s not the only one going through this.  We were given information that explained what was going on and the approximate length we can expect that she’ll be out of her “normal” routine.  It also reinforced all the things we were already doing.  We were already doing the “right” things and we didn’t even know it.

Thank you God, that when I need you, I can call upon you and you will answer me and come to me in my time of need.

You Need the Key

Every door has a key and I’ve just found ours.

If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it. ~ Genesis 4:7

I can’t believe it’s been a year and a half since God opened my eyes to how this verse applied to a situation in my life.  Because this scripture had been marked in my brain as a reminder about maintaining control, I didn’t realize God was talking to me again about a current situation when this verse began to play like a tape in my mind.

Over the past several months, Brad and I have been praying and believing for God to move mightily in our lives.  Our prayer: Close all the wrong doors so no man or spirit may open them and open the right door so no man or spirit may close it.  After months of frustration and listening to a friend’s testimony, I began to realize that God had been “closing all the wrong doors,” just as we’d asked.  So we began to thank Him that He’d already opened the “right” door and asked Him to lead us to it.

I ran into a friend the other day who said, “You must be missing something.”  I was so frustrated at that comment…but God revealed to me tonight that he was right and that “something” was huge to God.  Our actions and our words can define us.  If we are not careful, sin will master our lives, cutting off the hand of God to bless us.  But as I discovered tonight through talking with God, we can master sin and don’t have to be mastered by it.

We’ve wanted God to shut all the wrong doors and open the right one.  Every door has a key and I’ve just found ours.

Without Love

The Holiday Inn was booked so we decided to spend the weekend at All Children’s Hospital…

Well, ok, not really. I mean who really “decides” to go to a hospital, especially for their 5-week-old baby?  I really must say that if there’s ever a need to take a child that age to a hospital, All Children’s is really the place to take her.  Everyone was so nice and considerate and handled us with kid gloves…except for one person.  After we were discharged and safely home with our little angel, I began to decompress and unwind.  As I thought about how one person treated us, making me feel horrible about my mothering abilities, and how all the others had made us feel like it would all be “OK,” this verse came to mind: “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal,” (1 Corinthians 13:1).  This scripture is from the “Love” chapter and I’ve never thought of it in regard to anyone other than family or friends.  But really and truly, we interact with human beings—some going through life’s trials and some just going about their everyday lives—and as such, need to treat everyone with “kid gloves.” 

Father, thank you for opening my eyes to see how one person’s tone, words, and actions can raise a woman up or send her crashing in pieces to the floor.  Lord, I pray that I would walk away from this experience would make me a stronger person, but would also increase my capacity to love others the way they need to be loved…the way that I need to be loved. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.

Do Not Forget

But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his counsel. ~ Psalm 106:13

I have notes on my bathroom mirror & in my journal, all to remind me of the great things—the miracles—the Lord has done on my behalf.  All of these reminders and still I worry, still I wonder how it will all turn out.  How can it be that I can know the awesomeness of His power and might and still wonder about making health insurance premiums or buying diapers or other things that I worry about, but God does not?  And God does not worry, because everything belongs to him, from the depths of the earth to the mountain tops, (see Psalm 95:4).  And I have seen His great and mighty power, so why do I worry?

The answer is painful: Because I have forgotten, ignored, and put out of my mind all of the things He has already done for me.  Just like the Israelites forgot all that God had done for them in Egypt and at the Red Sea, still they turned away.  The sad part is they didn’t look at it as turning away.  They just saw themselves as moving steadily along, as they always had.  But in the end, it became disaster for them.

Lord, I don’t want my foolishness or my need for answers now—before you are ready to reveal them—to be the reason for my missing the things you want to do in my life.  Father, I pray that you would not let me run ahead of what you are trying to show me and accomplish in my life.  Help me to always remember the miracles, especially as I look at my daughter, and even as I realize that my husband and I have made it this far together and now with her.  Thank you for all the things you have already done and still have to do.  I pray that I would always remember that even when I can’t see how You will get it done, that it is not for me to worry about, but it is for me to trust in You to do it.

This is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord. ~ 2 Kings 3:18