He Restores My Soul

Matthew 13:11-12 "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.

"As long as information remains a secret, hidden in obscurity, no on can prosper from it, no matter how powerful the secret or how might the person. But that person to whom it is made known, no matter who, will have access to abundance; to whom it is not revealed, even that which this person has shall be taken away," (Commanding Your Morning, Cindy Trimm, 11).

That's like my Psalm 23 experience. I grew up in a Christian home and I knew my mom loved God. She had pictures hanging in the house, many with scriptures written on them. There was one I remember specifically, because it was hanging outside my bedroom door. It was a picture with two little kids--cartoon kids, similarly looking to Precious Moments kids--and written in the background was Psalm 23. I grew up with that scripture ever before me.

A few years after I had moved out and was married, I was in a deep, dark pit of depression. I remember a good, solid month, if not two, when I questioned the love of everyone, including my God. I was really, really struggling.

The "chemical" reason for what was happening was simple: I had decided that I wasn't depressed anymore and, with the help of my doctor, weaned myself off of the anti-depressants I had been on for the past 16 years. And even though I had worked with my doctor to come off the medications slowly, my body still went through withdrawal. The real battle, however, wasn't about chemicals. The real battle was about my mind and it would be decided in the spiritual realm.

The day I declared victory over depression was the day the devil began to mount an attack against me. After reading Joyce Meyer's book, Battlefield of the Mind, I learned that not only was depression an attack of the devil, but it was something that I didn't have to continue to live with. I asked a close friend and the Women's Ministry Leader at our church to pray over me and I made the decision to believe that I had been set free.

The devil waited for about two weeks after I took my last pill before striking; it was just enough time for me to think that my body wasn't going to have any problems or side effects from no longer being on the medications. While I don't remember "the day" when the attack came, I know it hit hard. There were days of calling other Christian women for reassurance and then calling them back ten seconds after hanging up the phone, because I needed more reassurance. There were nights, what seemed like endless nights, of sobbing in my bed and feeling so alone, even though my husband was next to me. (Thanks for hanging in there, babe! Love you!)
I tell you all this to paint for you a picture, so that you'll understand the stark difference between the pit of darkness I was in and the bright, sunny summer's day I was about to step into.

One night, when I couldn't sleep, I pulled out our Study Bible and began reading scriptures on eagles. Since it was a Study Bible, there were notes on the bottom of the pages and cross-references in the margins. I followed one cross-reference to another and another and another, until I reached Psalm 23.

Psalm 23:3 was where God revealed an amazing truth and His promise to me: He restores my soul. Those four simple words changed everything. After reading those words, I cried happy tears, because I knew the end of this tunnel and my way out of this pit were in sight. I wasn't out of all the darkness yet, but I had hope and a promise from God. I knew that I was on my way out.

When I "got out," which was within two to three weeks after that night, I still clung to that promise as my shield and sword against the devil. And anytime since, when the devil has tried to attack me again in that area, I open up my mouth and say, "He restores my soul."