A Matter

One of my favorite movies is One Night with the King; it's the story of Ester. There are two lines, which are in scripture, that have always stuck with me since seeing the movie. The first line, "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the honor of Kings to search it out," (see Proverbs 25:2). The second line, "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Ester 4:14).

Before seeing this movie, I had never read the book of Ester. However, after seeing the movie, those two lines, especially the second one, have moved with me on my walk. Those lines stand with me, even today. We had our first First Wednesday service the other night and Pastor Jordan talked about four walls that need to come down in our lives: self, shame, judgement, and mistrust. Mistrust is an interesting one, because it seems that everything about God is based upon trust. You have to trust Him with your heart to be your Savior. You have to trust Him with your life, because there is no one else, and you are not in control (I keep relearning that one). For me, it's trusting Him with all the areas of my life, and not just the ones I'm "OK" with giving. Every time I think I've given Him my whole life, He points out an area that I "missed."

I want the Lord to be Lord over my life. I'm starting to get the fact that I really don't control anything. I may choose to make poor choices, but that doesn't put me in control over my life, it just causes it to tailspin more out of control. There is an area in my life that I held as my own for a very long time. The Lord asked me to give it to Him. He didn't say what He was going to do with it. He just wanted me to relinquish power over it. Now it was entirely possible that once I gave Him full control, He would do nothing, or He would do something entirely wonderful, but I wouldn't know until I let go. So, as I would hold onto this area, I would hear the words, "And who knows but that you have come...for such a time as this." What if this area and this decision changed everything for me and it was the deciding factor of the rest of my life? That was something I asked myself. It took a long time and finally with shaking hands, I said, "Lord, if this is your will for me, soften my heart towards it. I want to do Your Will." That was the hardest think I think I've ever had to say. I gave up my control in this area, the Lord said Thank you, and nothing more has changed. "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter." God didn't reveal what He wanted with this area. Perhaps, He wants nothing more than for me to let Him sit on the Throne and be Lord over my life--my whole life. Or perhaps, later on, He will reveal to me that I had to make that decision "for such a time as this."

My prayer for you, as well as my prayer for me, is that in 2010, we'll break down the walls in our lives to see the glory of God revealed.