Time at The Feet

When is phenomenal not enough? I hit a brick wall last night and it surprised me, because I never even saw it coming. We've been counseling a couple who come claim they want to save their marriage, but after this week's session, I was heart broken for them. My husband reminded me that it's not my job to save their marriage; it's the job of the Holy Spirit, and even then, they have to decide that they want it badly enough.

Counseling was not the only area where I hit the wall. The office where I work is undergoing major transition and the last couple of days, I haven't even been able to lie to myself. Now, I know that sounds horrible that I would lie to myself, but it's not quite like that. It's kind of like self-talk: If you tell yourself enough times that you are stupid and will fail, then eventually, you'll believe it and it will become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Well, when people would ask, I would tell them that I was phenomenal and for the most part, I believed it. It was actually only this morning when I was lying in bed thinking about it that I realized that it had very little to do with the words I was saying and a lot more to do with my discipline.

Not too long ago, I was very disciplined in taking three breaks every day at work: one the morning, one at lunch, and one in the afternoon. Somewhere along the way, I believed the lie that I was too busy to take a break. The real truth is, I'm too busy to not take my breaks. You see, during my breaks, I was spending quiet time with God.

Doctors recommend that we eat 6-8 small meals per day to keep our metabolism functioning at the optimum level. It is also recommended that to keep our "spirit man" functioning at the optimum level, we feed him throughout the day. I was reading in the book, Standing Firm, by Donna Partow, that she was trying to lose weight and so joined a weight lifting class. She said that finally her instructor told her she was getting nowhere because she wasn't eating properly or enough throughout the day, (62-63). Our spirit man needs the same kind of diet. "Have you been playing a little game with the Christian life, seeing how long you can go without spiritual food? You'll never make serious progress like that. You need to eat first thing in the morning and continue feeding your spirit throughout the day," (Partow 63). The author recommends several different options. I've found that what has worked best for me is to listen to Christian radio, or CD's while I'm working and then reading the Bible or other books that feed me Godly wisdom during my breaks. Unfortunately, because I had gotten away from constantly feeding my spirit man, he was having to work harder on less fuel and was becoming dehydrated and malnourished.

I have new resolve this morning. No matter how important I think a project is, it is more important to stop, step away, and hang out with the J-man. Someone once said, "We need to be Mary in a Martha world." For a while, I had that down. I was hanging out with Mary at the feet of Jesus. It's cold in this fast-paced Martha world. I hope that the next time you see me, you'll find me where I belong: sitting with Mary at the feet of my Jesus.